When Will I be Whole
by meegeesgeek
Summary: A look at Tim and his life-does he really have everything that he wants. Is he missing something?


Title: When Will I Be Whole

Characters: Mostly Tim references to the team

Genre: Angst, Hurt & Comfort

Disclaimer: Seeing as how I just graduated high school I definitely don't own NCIS or any of their characters.

So this is my first fan fiction story so I would apprecitate the reviews and criticism on how to improve my writing. I hope this is okay, I am happy with the way it turned out. Enjoy & comment your hearts out!

…...

Timothy McGee put his clunky keys that were bogged down with key chains of happy familial memories, in his lock. McGee's shoulders visibly lifted at the sound of the lock pins inside the lock sliding undone-allowing him entrance into his humble, warm, yet all but empty abode.

Tim used to enjoy coming home to his quaint one bedroom and bath apartment that was nestled in Silver Spring's architectural district. The apartment represented all the things that he enjoyed about life his two "jobs", family, relaxation, and last but definitely not least warmth.

Stepping into the apartment McGee and visitors would bask in the warmth of his ever present jazz music that emanated from the corner of his small living room, as well as the scent of his aftershave that could be smelled a mile away. McGee shaved every morning not that it took that long because very little stubble adorned his childlike face. He did it mostly because it had become a part of his morning routine-get up, run, shower, shave, eat, then go off to work, then again McGee also never wanted a repeat of when DiNozzo stoked his face that one time when he had tried to grow out some facial hair. Clearly that was one embarrassment he need not relive. Nope he just faced the facts on the outside he just was not very manly.

Also in the living room next to his record player were shelves upon shelves of classic jazz and other forms of classical music. These forms of music billowed from the record player that he used almost every night. He said to the others that he did it to put him in the mood for writing, and while that was true, he also did it because it reminded him of growing up. Him and his mother Carolyn could spend whole afternoons listening to the sweet and sultry voices of jazz musicians-that was after his homework was done of course. It was also something that Tim and Sarah bonded over, and he was desperate to keep the jazz connection intact because after all they really were not alike at all. Yet that did not matter because he would always be there for her whenever she needed him to comfort her when some creep broker her heart, or god forbid she ever get into trouble with the law again. Yes suree Tim McGee took his big brother duties quite seriously. But anyways the jazz records were meticulously organized alphabetically as well as being color coded. So all the blacks faded to purples and a nice serene picture was made amongst the records.

The focal point of the room was McGee's computer and writing stations. The computer was where Tim would spend endless nights playing "Elf Lord" games as well as other fictional yet tantalizing war games. Cyberspace represented an out for the sometimes over worked and under appreciated NCIS special agent. In the realms of these games McGee could shed the "geeky cannot do anything right" persona, and don a new emblem. In the games he could be the ninja killing machine, and the quick thinking, and witty knight in shining armor. To most it represented a perfect albeit fictional world, but to Tim is represented the person that he wished he would become.

The writing desk where the typewriter has laid almost untouched since that Landon incident last year represented a different type of release. Writing about real life cases and co workers allowed his mind and himself to wrap his fingers around the events. Gibbs built boats, Tony watched movies, and Ziva ran to get rid of that pain that came with the job, to get rid of the feelings that you were not good enough when you lost those that you swore to protect. So writing was to Gibbs' boat making. Tim wrote after Erin's death hoping to memorialize a woman that he had only known for a short while, but whom had left such an imprint on his heart. When he had first met Ms. Kendall and her sultry steely blues he had envisioned getting to know her- he loved that she understood him when they spoke geek, and she even digged his occasional stuttering. Yea she was the type of person that you wouldn't mind taking home to see your parents at the holidays, and yet she had died because he was unable to protect her. That was a burden that he would carry around with him for the rest of his days, and no matter how buried it became it would never truly leave him alone. Erin would also live on forever in his heart as well as his work. After the terrorist killed Kate Tim wrote about what his fallen comrade would have been like had Ari not killed her. He wrote about the banter that seemed to fill the squad room, as well as how the fallen one made everyone feel right at home, no matter how new and green you were. Kate was the one that had accepted him from the first day. She came over to his former apartment and the pair had dinner and talked about what to expect out of NCIS, and she was there to comfort him after Erin, and she encouraged him to get back in the saddle so to speak after Abby broke his heart. Yep she was a great friend, and that was why despite her death she lived on in the book that he published right after her death, thankfully the team had not found out about this little tale otherwise he was surely in for it. Ahh writing just made him feel complete.

Scattered around the walls were photographs some of which depicted Tim alone in brooding silence, while others depicted his first day at Norfolk and on Gibbs team which his former friend Jimmy had taken. Jimmy was killed a few months ago in the terrorist bombing that claimed the lives of three of Paula Cassidy's team-he and Jimmy had been such great friends-the first friend that he made in law enforcement. Other photos were of Tim and Sarah as they grew up through the years. Then there were team photos that Abby had taken without the consent of the members of the MCRT. In between these fun natured photos were Tim's diplomas from high school, MIT, John's Hopkins, and the one that brought him the most pride FLETC. Tim's walls were littered with memories of what many would consider a great life, but at times Tim wondered is these were merely reminders of what his life had been a lifetime ago.

Tonight Tim McGee looked around his apartment and was saddened. He was sad because despite Tim having an awesome job, a wealthy hobby, a loving sister, and a dependable dog he still felt as though he lacked something. He lacked a woman. He lacked Abby Scuito.

Abby had told him today about this rocker tattooed wonder boy that she meat at a recent Brain Matter concert. She gushed about him all day while they were working together on going over yet another dead Petty Officer's records. Being so caught up in the re telling of how the pair had come to be, Abby missed the look of hurt that shadowed Tim's ever expressive eyes and face.

Tim of course was happy when the dead Petty Officer's case had been solved because it not only meant that they put away another killer, but it also signaled the end of another case. It signaled his chance to venture home. Tony would undoubtedly go out to some bar and use the DiNozzo charm to get some woman back to his place. While Ziva would go home and cook herself dinner, and do some Mossad ninja things. And of course Abby would go meat up with the rocker dude. Everyone also knew that at night Gibbs had a date with bourbon and a boat.

All the while Tim would come home to a warmed apartment and look around and see things. He would see the numerous pictures of Abby and him in much happier times, he would glance at all the vampire and coffin things that littered his room. Then he would smell that irresistible Goth smell. All these memories would flood his senses and make him wonder when his heart would ever be whole again.

The shrill of McGee's cell phone pulled him out of his deepening thoughts. He looked down at the ID and it read "Abby". Timmy picked it up and answered it with some trepidation wondering what the Goth would want at the time of night.

"Okay Abby be right there," Tim said and terminated the call. Guess the rocker guy didn't work out, and she wants him to come over and talk with her, console her.

Of course Tim will do that . Maybe they can never go out again, or have what they once had, but he will always be there when she needs him. No reason for her to be in the same pain that he seemed to be mired in-nope pain was one expression that the young Goth's face did not do well.


End file.
